Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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