I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
