I wish I could punch you in the face.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
