Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
