You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
