You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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