you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize