i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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