Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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