oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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