Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
