I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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