i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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