I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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