The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
