It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
