You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
