I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
