just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
