i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
