I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
