i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
