the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize