You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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