she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
