I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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