I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
