Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
