I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize