I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
