fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
