I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
