i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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