working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
