And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
