You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
