Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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