Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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