marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
