I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
