Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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