I bet he comes in French.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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