Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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