If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And then he peed in my hair
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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