Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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