Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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