wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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