i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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