Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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