careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
