I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
