as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this boner is exhausting
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
