u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
