it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
