I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
