My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
