thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
