she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
