my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
