First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize