Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
