Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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