he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
