I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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