I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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