Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
