don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
