once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
