i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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