you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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