Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
