everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
