im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
