forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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