i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
