why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
