Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You took a bar mat shot.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk is a universal language darling
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