Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
