you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
