im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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