We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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