Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
