She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
