Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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