This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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