New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
