Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
