he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
