it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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