Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
