I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
