i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
