What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
