the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
