I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
