I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
