So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
