I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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