I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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