4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Small penises have feelings too.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
