Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
