he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
