Im at strip club and am horny
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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