How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
